Sunday, May 15, 2011

some more recent writings...

Beyond my understanding and beyond reason, you have captivated my heart and fulfilled many of my dreams.
I have been a faltering mess and sometimes a hopeless wreck, but your brown eyes see passed it and into the depth of my soul, and with a single look you can see my deepest secrets and fears, and with a warm embrace you can calm my life and make the world ok again.


I have seen a bit of this home land. I haven't lived among the natives or ventured into the unknown, and my heart is aching for that rush of adventure for the feel of that wind through my hair. I hope for new scenery, for new living. I feel like my heart wants more than this simple, typical life. There are billions upon billions of steps that my feet want to take, so many places that my eyes want to see, so many experiences that my mind wants to try and understand. I feel like money and jobs and "the simple (typical) life" are holding me captive and restraining my feet from taking stride. I want to feel the wind as we cross the ocean, I want to feel the rain in Paris, I want to witness the leaves changing in New England, I want to smell the air in Italy and taste the wine straight from the vineyard. I want to be engulfed in the history all around Europe, I want to feel the breeze as I zipline through the Amazon rainforest, I want to feel the sand between my toes in the Sahara, taste coconut milk while sitting on the beach of some deserted island. I want to feel the freezing air on top of a mountain, and feel the pain of hiking to the top. I want to live in an exotic place where everyday is an adventure. I want to live a life worth writing about, do something so spectacular that I keep trying to top it with my new adventures. I want to live free from the chains that make up our "typical" society. We have been tricked into thinking that life is suppose to be simple and pleasing, and rich and relaxing, but my own experience is that I find more pleasure in the things that have taken hard work to reach, that were thought of as unobtainable but I found a way. Life should be an adventure, should be about conquering fears and triumphing over the work that you have done to get somewhere. I feel like such a hypocrite to even say these things, to even reveal these dreams of mine, because I am so lost and stuck in this "american dream" that I don't take pride in the life that I've lived, or the things that I have done. My life revolves around a television and computer, and reading and seeing the lives of those who have had adventure and have been through great struggles. My greatest struggle is that I can't break free of my own life to enjoy and accomplish the life that I dream of. I am so convinced that life is better everywhere but here. Maybe my struggle is with finding happiness in the life that I have, and not dreaming of so much more, but what is a life without high hopes and dreams. My life is satisfying, but is it enough, is this going to be how I live each day from here on out, or will there be adventure, and excitement. Will I find true happiness with my life, before it's too late? Maybe the adventure is in not knowing what tomorrow will bring, not knowing where my life will go, but the adventure is always being ready and open for the amazing times that lie ahead.

No comments:

Post a Comment